looking at the road signs!

Do you ever wonder where on earth your life is taking you? You see all the road signs and question whether the person who erected the specific sign really knew what he/she was doing? How do you know to trust that road sign anyways!

And how about this one. Why does God take so long to let you know the direction He wants you to take in your life. Usually the Spiritual direction comes at just the right time, which of course is usually about 30 seconds before the event actually happens! Why do all the books tell us to "plan ahead", "leave room for the unexpected", "use margins in your plans" and "think things through ahead of time"! Ok, maybe someone should send God these self help books, I think He forgot to read some of them!

Lately I feel like my life is on hold until........? We have made some pretty interesting decisions in these last few weeks and I am amazed at how easily and quickly some of the "doors" have been opened for us! Firstly, Frank applied for a posting at the Ngwelezana Hosptital http://www.kznhealth.gov.za/ngwelezanahospital.htm. which is just outside of Empangenni. He had his interview on friday and will find out this coming friday if he has been accepted. This is a positive move for him from Family Practice in Sundumbili to practicing his anesthesia and enjoying some OR work. For the kids and I, this also is a positive move, allowing us to be closer to Ikhaya, friends and more activities for the kids....not to mention a better grocery store!

Secondly, we've made the decision to stay here in South Africa until December 2009. Frank changed our tickets without much problem or concern. At this point as I write I have no idea where we will "be" as Frank's post here in Sundumbili ends on May 1st and Ngwelezana is not a "done deal!" I must admit that for some reason this does not really bother me, my life being somewhat up in the air. I think I have come to the point that as long as I am with Frank and the kids, no matter where that may be or not be.....that is where I belong and to rest comfortably and in peace with that! Thankfully we have only the contents of our suitcases to contend with moving and organizing, traveling "light" has its advantages!

Lastly for me......I feel the Lord pulling at my heart about friends and my therefor "lack" of them. I have come to realize that through laziness and insecurity I have hid behind my role as wife, mom, teacher, house manager and not extended myself to being a friend, therefor not having many close relationships. It is easy to excuse our "business" as a lack of time and motivation to develop those close and meaningful relationships that we are meant to cultivate. I marvel and laugh at the realization that my deficits (shyness, insecurity, negative self talk) are the very thing I truly need to work hard on to become the woman I am meant to be....whaaaaa, why does it have to be so difficult! Ohh, those roots of self pitty, hopefully I'm not alone out here ladies! Anyways, I am reminded that there are no solo super heroes in the bible and thus we are not intended to walk this road alone either! The bible talks about the single cord not being as strong as the cord of three, its strength, endurance and safety! Our husbands CAN be our best friends, most cherished confidant, most patient listener and advice giver...BUT....I believe we were intended to develop other relationships with our same gender, women who can "relate" and mentor each other spiritually! So, not to have friendship indigestion with the pressure of finding three, I will start small! There sure is a lot of truth in the saying "if you want a friend, be a friend". Ahhhh, those wonderful words of wisdom!

So, that is where we are at today. Our Journey here in South Africa truly is one of faith and trust, not really sure where the next road sign will lead us!